Government is a Waste

I’ve been quite open about this around the office: I don’t want this parks department to build any parks, because I don’t believe in government. I think that all government is a waste of taxpayer money. My dream is to have the park system privatized and run entirely for profit by corporations, like Chuck E. Cheese. They have an impeccable business model. I would rather work for Chuck E. Cheese.

Foot Rub

Man, my bunions are killing me today. I cannot wait until Monday when I can get Andy to take my troubles away at his shoeshine stand.

Snake Juice

The endorsement: Snake Juice. It doesn't merit an official recommendation as do US army-issued mustache trimmers, Morton's Salt, and the C.R. Lawrence fine two-inch style oscillating knife, but it's surprisingly delicious.

Be wary though. It'll take several cheeseburgers and fries the next day to get you feeling right again.

Swanson Pyramid of Greatness

I've been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years. It's a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement. I used it when I coached a basketball team. Under my tutelage boys will grow into men, from men into gladiators, and from gladiators into Swansons. Categories include:

     - Teamwork. Very important. Equally important...

     - Selfishness. Take what's yours.

A Simple Man

I'm a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.

I'll use this blog to talk about those things as well as to get some things off my chest.